I had my last ever undergraduate lecture yesterday. There was only 4 of us there; a 2 hour lecture on the last day of term 4 days before the module essay is due did seem a tad pointless, but I decided to go along anyway.
This was the module that made me want to do a masters, and I enjoy the lectures. I figured that it would be a nice break from revision. I didn’t realise it was my last lecture until a student on the row behind me sadly noted that it was hers.
It’s starting to hit me.
I’ve been so focused on just getting to the end of this year that I nearly forgot just how much I love this place and the friends that I’ve made here.
Around this time in first year, I was sitting in a garden with my punk-ish friend. We were waiting for the university recording studio to become free so we could use it to record some stuff for the first ever folk club album. He bought himself lunch, we found a spot on the grass and the two of us took a moment to appreciate the sun.
We talked about music and life. He told me how strange it felt to be graduating soon. I could sympathise, but I was in first year and I didn’t really get it. I understand better now.
One of the local adults who occasionally comes to folk club was at this week’s session and he asked how many of us were going to be here next year. My huggy friend and his entourage of medics will be, but my logical friend and I won’t. The adult seemed rather startled that I was leaving and remarked that it would be the “end of an era”. It’s something I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about and I just wanted him to stop talking.
He wasn’t wrong though. It’s all going to come to an end soon. I’ve experienced 3 fantastic years of academic work interspersed with socialising. I have learned a lot about myself and the world. It’s been one hell of a ride and it’s inadvertently taken me to Laos and back.
I’m ready to move on but I am also allowed this brief moment of grief. A momentary sense of loss. I will move onto the next thing and I’m sure I’ll enjoy it but, right now, this is all I know. The idea of leaving it all behind is scary and saddening at the same time.
I caught the bus off campus in a bit of a daze. I found myself noticing things that I wouldn’t normally notice, trying to drink in my surroundings and preserve them in my mind for the purposes of future reminiscing.
I’m sad that this, like all things, must end but it’s just the start of something new. Change is scary but it’s not always bad and I look forward to whatever is going to come next.
randomsongwriter 